If da Slippah Fits

A couple of people have made comments about my slippers. I suppose that since I have been trained to see scale and proportion, there might be something wrong with my choice of slippers. While my fashion sense, while ancient, is not completely off the board, my footwear may seem strange.
This is clearly a case of form and function.

The thing about this seemingly innocent pair of slippers is that they are large. The largest size I could find. I purchase the largest size of slippers on the shelf so I can skip the trying on process.
I have never felt comfortable trying on slippers at the store. Reminds me of wearing someone else's socks or shoes. I'll wear 'em, but I'll always be thinking about where they been.
Now, my slippers may look benign. They are in fact harmless. Here they are next to my cycling shoes:

As you can see, they are clearly larger than my feet. If you look closely, you can see where my feet actually reside in my slippers. Why so big?
Well, besides not having to try them on in the store, the over sized width and length give my feet extra protection from the elements. Think walking over rocks and hot sand. Making more sense now?
Maybe it's difficult to judge the size of my slippers, especially since I haven't said my shoe size, so here are my slippers next to some common household items.
My slippers and a fork:



My slippers and my old Specialized Allez front fork:



My slippers and a Kryptonite lock:



My slippers and a compact disc:



And finally, my slippers and a blueberry muffin from Safeway:


I know I may look a bit strange, flapping around town on my choice of footwear, but my slippers do their job and do them well. Besides, if I ever get stuck out in the ocean on a boat, I can use them as paddles.
Just think of the other uses:
Fan when it gets too hot
Trowel for concrete or drywall
B-52 cockroach deterrent
It is also a decoy of sorts: when people come to your house, they think an extremely large person lives there. I think of my slippers as a sort of secret multi-tool.
In fact, my choice of slipper size seems so practical, I have to wonder why everyone doesn't wear super sized slippers.
Maybe if everyone did, I wouldn't get so many questions about them.

EXTRA!

The Flat Tire Staff

KAILUA- A cyclist was apparently involved in a one bike accident this afternoon at the corner of Mokapu Boulevard and Oneawa Street. Witnesses at the scene attributed the accident to inattention or lack of cycling skills.
"Yeah, I seen the whole thing while I was sitting in my car waiting for the light to turn," said John Smith of Aikahi Park. "The dude was coming up Mokapu in the other direction, you know, just pulling up to the curb when WHOMP! Down he went."
A large divot in the grass in the front yard of a home adjacent to the stop light marked the accident location.
"I don't know what the guy was thinking," Smith said, "he was going so slow and when he fell, he just sort of lay there, in shock like." Smith was on his way home from his work in Halawa. "I almost pulled over and called 911 cause I was laughing so hard and I couldn't catch my breath."
Traffic at the intersection resumed and no police or ambulance was called.
The description of the person matched that of another cyclist who fell in a low speed accident only two weeks ago on Diamond Head Road. The type of injuries the cyclist sustained matched also.
When Kailua Police were asked to comment on the accident they replied: "We hope this isn't the start of some kind of serial crasher. These bicyclist who ride around and crash for no apparent reason are a danger to themselves and to the community. Mostly to themselves. If anyone should see this person fall off his bike again, they should immediately call the authorities and we'll do what we can. Maybe even impound his bicycle for his own protection."
When asked if this was the same cyclist who crashed in town, the police said they had no comment.