Am I Having Fun Yet?

I am supposed to be having fun while I'm out riding my bike.
I was thinking about that today while I was watching the speed on my computer start to fall. Making the turn into the wind transformed my ride into cruel torture.
I only had about a half mile to go. The end seemed very far away.
The thing about my route is that most of it seems to be hit by crosswinds. Once in a while, like last week, the winds turn and I get a (almost) free return trip. Most of the time, it's trying to keep a straight line and waiting for the winds to die off so I can bring my RPMs back up between gusts.
Am I having fun yet?
Funny, I never noticed the wind when I was slow. Not that I'm fast, don't you know.
The wind makes it hard sometimes to get out the door. Sometimes I'll sit here and comtemplate the wind and stare at my bike(s) before donning the shoes and hitting the road.
The first three miles do not qualify as fun. My legs have a problem finding a good cadence and I have to wait for my knees to pop before I can make any kind of effort. Oh yeah, and it's all into the wind.
The next section is not that fun either. A three mile warm up stretch where I search to find out where my legs are that day. Sometimes they are there, happy to be cranking away, and sometimes I leave them at home and what replaces them are two unhappy campers that complain all the way back to my street.
Between warm up and my garage there is usually about fifteen to twenty miles where I have trouble remembering the fun part.
My route takes me along Kailua beach and Lanikai and on days like today, there are usually lots of things to see. Seeing pretty girls in bikinis would qualify as fun for me, but when I'm riding, I am usually wondering why the hell they are blocking the bike path. Scantily clad women would be wonderful entertainment if they could all just walk a few feet to the right or left.
On particularly gorgeous days like today, I stop at the lookout over Kailua Bay, look at the clear water and wish I could jump in. That would be fun. Instead I clip back in and continue "enjoying" my ride.
I was thinking about donning some tri shorts so I could do just that but the thought of all that nasty salt water getting on my bike gives me the creepies.
The thing is, I can't remember if I smiled at all on my ride today.
Surely, if I was out there having fun, I would have broken into a grin at least once don't you think? Standing outside of Baskins and Robbins wolfing down an ice cream cone brought a grimmace to my face. Perhaps I was thinking of all those calories?
The feeling of relief I get when I arrive back home is sometimes overshadowed by a sense of dissappointment also. I sure am glad I'm back, but it feels like I left a few more miles out there.
Cycling is supposed to be fun, but at times it feels like some sort of penance.
I finally took the road bike out the other day.
Five miles.
To buy cigarettes.