Saturday, August 29, 2009

If da Slippah Fits

A couple of people have made comments about my slippers. I suppose that since I have been trained to see scale and proportion, there might be something wrong with my choice of slippers. While my fashion sense, while ancient, is not completely off the board, my footwear may seem strange.
This is clearly a case of form and function.

The thing about this seemingly innocent pair of slippers is that they are large. The largest size I could find. I purchase the largest size of slippers on the shelf so I can skip the trying on process.
I have never felt comfortable trying on slippers at the store. Reminds me of wearing someone else's socks or shoes. I'll wear 'em, but I'll always be thinking about where they been.
Now, my slippers may look benign. They are in fact harmless. Here they are next to my cycling shoes:

As you can see, they are clearly larger than my feet. If you look closely, you can see where my feet actually reside in my slippers. Why so big?
Well, besides not having to try them on in the store, the over sized width and length give my feet extra protection from the elements. Think walking over rocks and hot sand. Making more sense now?
Maybe it's difficult to judge the size of my slippers, especially since I haven't said my shoe size, so here are my slippers next to some common household items.
My slippers and a fork:

My slippers and my old Specialized Allez front fork:

My slippers and a Kryptonite lock:

My slippers and a compact disc:

And finally, my slippers and a blueberry muffin from Safeway:

I know I may look a bit strange, flapping around town on my choice of footwear, but my slippers do their job and do them well. Besides, if I ever get stuck out in the ocean on a boat, I can use them as paddles.
Just think of the other uses:
Fan when it gets too hot
Trowel for concrete or drywall
B-52 cockroach deterrent
It is also a decoy of sorts: when people come to your house, they think an extremely large person lives there. I think of my slippers as a sort of secret multi-tool.
In fact, my choice of slipper size seems so practical, I have to wonder why everyone doesn't wear super sized slippers.
Maybe if everyone did, I wouldn't get so many questions about them.

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