Tuesday, December 8, 2009


The Flat Tire Staff

KAILUA- The Wildlife Service has petitioned the Federal Government to declare the ducks that inhabit Kawainui Marsh an endangered species. The ducks, while not native to the marsh, have inhabited the area for as long as most residents can remember. "The ducks have been here for a while and they seemed to be doing okay. But lately I've been worried about them," says Lou Rich of Kawainui Street. "They used to be all fat and plump looking, but lately they seem kinda skinny."
Wildlife officers were called in to monitor the ducks and were horrified at what they found. "The ducks are in trouble. They compete with native species for food, so much so that scores of ducks have taken to begging for food in front of Safeway."
"Them ducks is kinda poor so I feel sorry for em," said Larry Swanson. "Everyday, I seen them at Safeway asking for handouts, well, I know they got to feed the little ones, so I try to give them stale bread. I got young ones at home myself."
To avert a quacking crisis, the Wildlife Service is asking the Federal Government to fund free meals and even perhaps a shelter that would include living quarters for the desparate ducks.
"Let's face it. These are hard times and no one should be begging for food in front of Safeway," a Wildlife Service spokesperson said.
"Not even ducks."


dogimo said...

"I find that a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether I have bread." - Mitch Hedberg

parlance said...

Are the native ducks starving, or are the introduced ones (presumably mallards?) the hungry ones?

We have a problem over here in Australia that introduced ducks (again, mallards, I think) are interbreeding with ours.
I guess it's eventually going to be a world filled with mallards.

limom said...

Actually, the ducks are okay. It was just the first time I had seen them hanging out at the supermarket. It is true that they are competing with native species in the marsh and the gov't sent out some hunters to reduce the population. The residents here have adopted them and feed them all the time.
The ducks though seem oblivious to the fact that they are intrusive. As far as I know, we don't have a native duck, though we do have a native goose(nene).