Saturday, February 13, 2010

I'm The Man

Excellent song by Joe Jackson!
Can't really say I'm a Joe Jackson fan for I only have three albums. Well maybe I am for I do have Look Sharp in a collectors edition:

What's so collectible about it?
If you look closely, you'll see that it's a special version on ten inch vinyl. His other great album Night and Day is behind it.
Great way to impress the friends; that is if I had any friends that were impressed by a ten version of Look Sharp.
Anyways, that's not what this is all about.
Sort of.
So I was thinking to myself the other day that hey, I'm the man.
Then I said to myself, no, you da man.
So this went on for a while since the whole purpose of this exercise was to build up my ego.
Not that my ego needs any building up don't you know.
I was just practicing just in case I needed building up. I like to be ready.
Then I thought, boy, you got to have a pretty large set to be telling yourself you/I da man. I mean I wasn't even comparing myself to anyone, I was just sort of sitting around drinking my Jones cream soda and thinking about things when this revelation hit me.
Well without getting into the specifics of my nether regions, the more I thought about it, the more I began to believe it.
Then I thought, this is a good thing!
By thinking that I'm da man, I strive to be da man.
Inferiority and mediocrity take a back a seat!
You are dealing with da man!
Das right! Look behind you and check your rear view mirror cause here I come!
Then I remembered this post in a forum about bicycle shorts wearing out.
I have no previous experience with Lycra and other stretchy materials so I had no idea that bicycle shorts had a finite seat life.
Apparently, the material gets thin enough to see through.
Now this got me worried. My shorts are kinda high mileage.
Well, I couldn't exactly stand up and check the status of my own shorts.
I mean how would that look, me standing there trying to get a look at my rear in the reflection of the store window?
I wouldn't be da man, now would I?
Well, because I was sitting down, I began to concentrate on how the concrete of the wall felt against my ass, trying to determine if it felt any different. Then a gust of wind blew and well, I could feel the breeze if you know what I mean.
That didn't help.
All I could think of was this:

Needless to say, I hurried home to check on the wear status of my padded proctection.
The moral of the story?
Well, if anyone tells you that you da man, even if it's yourself, always remember to check your rear for you may not be looking as sharp as you think you are.
Oh, and thank goodness, my shorts are okay.
I'm getting a new pair just in case.

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