Mirror, Mirror

Today, broken neck and all, I went in to the optometrist to check my eyeballs.
It was sort of hard on the doctor for he had to ignore the needles sticking out of my corneas. Actually, it was pretty painless for nowadays it's sort of computerized.
They still use that thingamabob that looks like it was invented during the Industrial Revolution, but it's also computer checked.
Anyways, it was time for some new glasses. Last time I had my eyes checked was four years ago. That's like twenty eight Flat Tire years.
Now I've been a Wayfarer kind of guy for some time:



I have to say that those shades served me well. They did survive my crash and they've done a fairly good job of keeping stuff out of my eyes as I ride all over the creation. Lenses though, took a walk some time ago.
Seems those coatings you order them with are not so durable since they started to peel off like three years ago. Since then, it's like I've been walking/riding around in a fog:



Tell you the truth, I didn't really notice how bad they were until one day I noticed that I couldn't read the digital clock in my car anymore.
I mean that's pretty sad.
I had to take off my glasses to read something.
So as I said, they've done a pretty good job of keeping stuff out of my eyes, yet I felt that I needed some better protection so this time I'm getting wrap arounds. Thing is, because of the curvature of the surface, they have to be custom ordered.
I guess I'll be in a fog for another couple of weeks.
But that's not what this is all about.
This is about going in and choosing the frames.
Now for those of you who don't wear glasses this task may sound simple enough on paper.
Go in, pick out a frame, done.
Unfortunately, it never goes that way.
First of all, there are about a GAGILLION different frames to choose from. That may sound like an exaggeration, but it's not.
Really.
Go into an eyeglass shop and see.
Then there is the whole trying it on thing.
I don't like to look at myself in the mirror if I don't have to. It displeases me to no end to have to try multiple frames on while at the same time trying to decide if it suits me.
Okay, what I'm really saying is "trying on frames that make me look good."
I have searched and there are no glasses that make me look good.
Not invented yet, never will be.
Well, maybe there are some that look good on me, it's just that in my opinion, nothing looks good on me.
Choosing new frames is sort of like, like, well, cutting my hair.
There comes a time when it's just impossible to put off.
It's the vanity.
I'm not the most humble person in world, but I do have a hard time modeling glasses for myself in the mirror.
I have a hard time looking myself in the eye while trying to make a fashion decision. It's always like "dude, are you serious?" or "dude, no matter what you do, you'll still look lame."
Don't get me wrong here. I think glasses do make a fashion statement.
As a matter of fact I think that women with glasses are attractive.
Think Lisa Loeb or Tina Fey.
It's just very difficult for me to choose glasses for myself. I'm not even going to talk about the added pressure of having that girl behind the counter watching you.
Then you have to make sure you are choosing from the men's section and not trying on women's frames.
How embarrassing is that?
I mean really, can't I just do this in private?
Then, when you pick up your glasses and have to try them on, you see yourself better!
It's like seeing a close-up of your face in High Definition.
I liked it better when things were fuzzy.
Anyways, this time, I think I'm going to get some good old John Boy glasses. Go for the John Denver look. The old stand bys, classics, never go out of style round wire frames.
I may not even try them on.