Thursday, January 21, 2010

The Flat Tire Land State of the Blog Address

"My fellow Flat Tire Land readers, in the course of human events, it has become time for us, the people of Bloggerland, in order to form a more perfect blog, to talk about the future.
We have come a long way from such humble beginnings. From the depths of Bloggerland obscurity, we have risen up to become one of the most read blogs on the the planet.
Okay, I exaggerate, but our circulation has grown from zero, to eight dedicated, educated, highly entertained followers.
Four score and six years ago, when the doors of The Flat Tire first opened, we had but one desk, one chair, one piece of paper and one pencil.
Today, thanks to you, the reader, we flourish in lavish comfort!
Two chairs!
A full notebook!
A desk lamp!
Forty eight quart Igloo cooler!
All thanks to you!
Can you dig it!
Caaan youuuu diiiig iiit?
Today, we are faced with many challenges.
Ideas that once gushed forth like wine from a spigot, now only ooze like like an empty bottle of Cheese Whiz. The award winning photo journalism has been replaced by cartoonish reasonable facsimiles. The words, oh the words, while still plentiful, have become weak and unfulfilling.
If there ever was a time for us, the proletariat, to rise up and overcome the bourgeois-
If there ever was a time for you, the reader, to rise up and overcome these challenges, now is the time!
We must go out and lead one another by hand to the promised land.
Flat Tire Land.
Now is the time for us to come together, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no blog has gone before!
Our five year mission, should we decide to accept it, is to increase readership by 3.5 GAGILLION.
We must link together as one!
And link, and link and link!
As one!
Yes we can!
Do not ask what The Flat Tire can do for you, but ask what you can do for The Flat Tire!
We can make this a blog for the people, of the people, by the people!
We are the world!
We are the children!
Say it with me!
Thank you for your support."

The Flat Tire is made possible by contributions from readers like you.


John Romeo Alpha said...

Moar cartoonish reasonable facsimiles! Moar cartoonish reasonable facsimiles! Moar linkages! We will we will blog you! :)

dogimo said...

I've never felt particularly patriotic about blogging.

Hm. OK, I still don't, but I feel it now - how it might be possible! It's interesting - the history of human civilization has been the history of the ever-expanding tribe instinct. From immediate family unit, to greater local breeding population, organizing into insular villages, then interlinking and expanding to regional chauvinism and eventually being subsumed into nationalist fervor, the primal instinct towards the group one belongs to has been successfully stretched beyond all seeming evolutionary justification or benefit. But maybe all that time, we were really just taking steps on the way toward something we couldn't yet see? Maybe this is the next step?

The internet: leveler and uniter. Shall we band together, and cut across all previous hard-line demarcations? And if so: whom shall we band together against?

limom said...

Ask and you shall receive!

Mr. Dogimo-
You scare me.
Apparently the internets frightens others also, ie China and the limited access they enjoy/employ.
Have we seen the true power of the internet?