EXTRA!

The Flat Tire Staff

KAILUA - An accusatory sign caused the mass evacuation of a Kailua street this morning. The sign appeared overnight and no group or person has claimed responsibility.
Wilbur Martin was the first person to see the sign and he notified authorities.
"I seen the sign this morning and it made me feel guilty. I don't know exactly what I did, I was kinda drunk last night, but it must have been bad for somebody to put up one sign like that. I figured I better get out of here."
Authorities then determined that it was possible the sign and it's message was not meant for Mr. Martin personally and could affect a wider range of the population. A government official speaking with The Flat Tire off the record told us that "we didn't want to take any chances. Everyone is a little guilty of something, so we thought it best to just evacuate the whole neighborhood."
A SWAT team, the FBI, the National Guard, the Bomb Squad, and an official from the Office of Homeland Security were called to investigate the incriminating sign. The area has since been cordoned off in the interest of public safety. As plans were made to evacuate the Windward side of island, the government official told The Flat Tire that "it's better to be safe than sorry. I mean, we don't know if the sign is talking about me or you or you or you or you."