Saturday, May 15, 2010

Green String Theory, Things My Mother Taught Me

I like gum.
Not quite as much as I used to, but still, I indulge when the occasion calls.
Like after eating linguini with clam sauce or something heavy with onions.
Those new ice mint gums were lifesavers so to speak; breaking them out during boring lectures in school kept me awake many times. They're also great when driving around and you start to feel a bit fatigued. Pass me some gum!
I don't know about you, but that scene in Saving Private Ryan, when those dudes share the gum: ewwwwww!
The thing about gum is, I never know when it's done.
Sure, after a while, the flavor is gone, but is it really done?
I mean you can still chew it, which means it's still functional. It's not like a Lifesaver say, when it's done, it's just gone.
The thing to do is to pop another stick in there and keep on chewing. If you keep adding sticks until you got an unmanageable wad, then it's time to toss it.
Gum is one of those things where you have to make a conscious decision to finish it and get rid of it.
I particularly like Japanese gum. If you haven't had Japanese bubble gum, then let me tell you, you haven't had bubble gum.
Okay, some of the domestic stuff is okay, but really, you got to try the imported stuff.
Try some Hello Kitty gum, it seems they need the business.
So anyways, I was out riding around today, leaving a wake of crushed souls in my wake, when my attention was diverted to my newly cleaned wheels.
Green stringy stuff all over!
I looked around for an Irish Spiderman to no avail.
All over my bike and my wheels.
You'd think that with my blazing speed centrifugal force would have tossed the offending material off, but this was special gum.
This was sittingoutonthehotpavementallday gum!
I'm lucky my bike didn't stop in it's tracks.
No, instead this gum spread itself like a green virus all over my wheels and frame.
Now I don't know about you, but when I was just a wee lad, I was instructed to wrap up my gum before I threw it away.
A technique I use to this day.
Now I'll be honest here and admit, I always wondered why.
I had to wrap up the gum I mean.
It's going into the trash right?
Well, after stepping on gum and now riding over gum, now I know.
Riding over gum sucks.
No, really, it does.
Removing the gum after you ride over it sucks.
Even if it still has a tinge of minty goodness to it.
The fact that it's previous home was, well, I won't go there, really makes it suck.
If you think about it, gum comes with it's own disposable container.
It's called a wrapper.
I saw Forrest Gump last night so that's all I got to say about that.

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