Saturday, May 22, 2010

Paid Advertisement

People walking in front of you blocking the path? Inconsiderate joggers hogging the lane? Voice getting horse from announcing your presence to people in front of you? Lacking the motivation to get out on your bike because it's just not fun?
No more!
Through recent technological advances in composite materials, The Flat Tire Labs has developed the answer to your problems!
The Flat Tire Labs proudly introduces Banshee Brakes!

Front brakes that howl like truck load of banshees on meth! 3.5 GAGILLION decibels of pure high intensity squeal! Leave a path of broken ear drums in your wake!
A screech so intense it will make heads explode!

Men will cringe in fear! Women and children will flee from the onslaught of ear splitting vibrations!
Have the path all to yourself!
Harley riders with straight pipes got nothing on you!
Loud brakes saves lives!
Don't believe us? Just read what these riders say about their Banshee Brakes:

"Well, like, you know, at first it was like, uh, I had to kind of get used to them you know? But then, after seeing how people like uh, act when they hear me like, slowing down, I started to like it! I mean I like come up to them all quiet like and hit the brakes, and the, like the squeal makes them like jump outta their shorts!"

"The first time I applied my Banshee Brakes, quite frankly, I was more than a bit annoyed. I mean the sound, I can't begin to describe it. It's like Captain Quint running his fingernails on the chalkboard, only ten time louder. And a hundred time more irritating. I have to say, it works! People get out of your way!"

"I ride five times a week and let me tell you, when you're flying down the path at twenty five miles an hour, people are just moving road blocks. Hit your Banshee Brakes, and the crowd parts like Moses and the Red Sea!"

"Banshee Brakes changed my life!"

Still don't believe us?
For this limited time, try The Flat Tire Labs Banshee Brakes for free!
That's right, for free!

Just send us $99.95 for shipping and handling, and you could be riding your Banshee Brakes in days!
For $99.95 you get one set of slightly used front brake pads along with complete installation instructions. We'll even throw in the hex tool free!
That's right, for free!
Still not convinced?
Well if you act now, we'll throw in another slightly used set of pads at no cost!
You can have two sets of Banshee Brakes right now for free!
That's right, for free!
Double your fun and double the decibels!
Just think of the miles of pedestrian free miles ahead!
Act now for this offer will end soon.
Call now!
Warning: Banshee Brakes may cause the bicycle rider to go terminally insane.


John Romeo Alpha said...

An observation from the OSG Acoustic Research Institute: double the decibels would be squaring the sound pressure level. Probably an increase of 3db is nearer to what is meant when adding the second pair. For this input, the OSG ARI requests a comp set of Banshee Brakes, as the OSG ARI campus is rife with pedestrian-filled paths, and we're hoping double decibels cuts through iPod phones to alert them of our big-ring sprint power approaching.

limom said...

The Flat Tire Labs regrets that there are no complimentary sets available.
Thank you for your interest.