EXTRA!

The Flat Tire Staff

HONOLULU- The State Department of Transportation announced today that the long lost Road to Success has been found. "We always knew it was uphill, we just didn't know where it was," a department spokesperson said.
The Road to Success was originally laid in the 1950's but fell into disuse amid the growth and urbanization of the 1970's and 1980's. It became the path less traveled.
"The exact location of the Road to Success was lost in the paperwork," the department said. "With the economy the way it is now, we made every effort to try and locate it."
The Department is with holding the exact location of the road until improvements can be made.
"We have to add crosswalks, stop lights, pedestrian over passes, bike lanes, bus stops and such. We have to, in order to qualify for Federal funding."