Damn the Torpedos

Full speed ahead!
Famous last words, I think.
Okay, not really.
Admiral David Farragut led the charge at Mobile Bay in 1864 and captured the port.
I hope we achieve the same success.
No, there aren't any torpedos or mines in these waters, but there might as well be.
Lemme tell you, asking for money ain't easy.
For one thing, it makes you feel poor.
Well, I'm kinda poor, but I don't like to admit it.
Admit it I do when I have to ask for cash.
I mean it's not cash for me, though they, the donors, look at you like it's for you.
That would be okay except I'm not the most savory character on the planet.
If you know what I mean.
First I give them the spiel: non-profit yada yada, bicycling yada yada, healthy stuff yada yada, community involvement yada yada, volunteers yada yada, no I got this shirt at the local Goodwill.
Yada yada.
You know it's coming: we'll let you know.
Now I sold cars, back in another life, and that was sort of like asking for money except that when I got money folks got something in return.
Like a car.
Now, the return is not so tangible.
In fact it's sort of fantastical.
Unless you really really like riding bicycles.
Even then, it's not like you're giving me money and I'm giving you something back.
Seems I was in the wrong line at Jedi School when it came to begging.
So now I've got to rethink this whole thing.
Rewrite the sell.
Or maybe I need to carry around a bottle of Windex and a squeegee.
Every little bit counts don't you know.
I knew this was going to be the hard part, and like all things difficult, it was sort of left for last.
Time to shine the shoes, put some slacks and my Goodwill shirt and hit funding road.
Watch out for them land mines!
Damn them torpedos.
I'm in The Big Ring!