Monday, November 29, 2010

I Don't Like Mondays

Classic song by the Boomtown Rats.
Some would say their only song, but I picked up their first CD and let me tell you, it's pretty good:

Nice collection of catchy tunes, in a Rolling Stones sort of way.
Like totally not what this is about though.
If you've been following along at home, you, the reader, know that I've been having some issues at work.
Well today, I hit sort of a crossroads.
No, I didn't sell my soul to the devil like Robert Johnson, or Ralph Macchio even.
At least I think I didn't.
I'm still checking.
What I did was lay out what I perceived as the truth.
That's always a difficult proposition for what I perceive as the truth may not be what you perceive as the truth and may not be what the other folks perceive as the truth.
Which leads me to wonder if there's any truth at all.
Ain't that the truth?
So anyways, I had a mostly one sided conversation with someone I work with about classroom management.
Which is pretty important, if you are planning to manage a classroom.
Which let me tell you, isn't easy.
The problem I seem to be having, which isn't really a large problem, not in the big picture anyway, is that I'm wondering if I made a positive or if I did a negative.
I sort of live by the simple fact that even if the truth is not good(read "the truth hurts" here), it's always better than misleading, or outright lying.
Okay, I could have just keep my mouth shut, that was an option.
Sometimes though, not divulging can lead to more, let's just say, negativity.
So, I took a deep breath and plunged.
I was immediately sorry I did.
The expression "taking candy from a baby" came to mind.
I try not to rain on other folks' parades.
Knock em off of their clouds.
If you know what I mean.
On the other hand, I can't just sit there and let other folks create nightmares for me either.
Okay, nightmares is a little strong.
I sleep pretty well.
It's the waking hours I'm beginning to dread.
I mean I'm not one to just sit by and watch the proverbial excrement hit the wind generating device.
So anyways, I felt sort of bad after what happened.
I'm trying to absolve myself of responsibility by saying it's all about the kids, etc, but today, it's not working so good.
I think it's because that perhaps deep down, I know, I realize that's it was partly about me.
About me, and what I go through each day, about how I deal with what I have to deal with.
I'm sitting here, questioning the truth behind what motivated me to go where I went.
To do what I did.
Getting up in the morning and seeing the word "selfish" tattooed across my forehead is not how I like to start the day.
The Wheaties just don't taste the same.
In the end, all I can do is live with my decision, hope it was for the best, and learn from it.
I mean, it is a classroom.
I have to learn that sometimes these things cost someone something, that there is a price to pay, that such things are not free.
So it goes.
Oh, and don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to make myself out as some kind of saint or anything.
Saintly I'll never be, not in a past life, not in this life, not in the next.
I would say that I'm working on it, but that's not the truth either.
I'm settling for just being a better person.
No use setting the bar too high.
If you know what I mean.
I'm just hoping that I'll like Tuesday a little better.


Steve A said...

Unless Tuesday is rainy, I'm sure you did.

limom said...

It was.
A bit better I mean.
Because of circumstance, I was able to avoid any awkwardness.
There's always tomorrow.

limom said...

At the time I posted this up, I was unaware of the events in Wisconsin.
Apologies if anyone took offense.
None was intended and my reference to the the song "I Don't Like Mondays" was purely coincidental.