Friday, May 27, 2011


That's right performance enhancing drugs fans!
Lance got nothing on me!
Wait, that came out backwards.
Even on his worse day Lance would dust me like can of Lemon Pledge.
Yesterday might have been my worstest day on a bike ever.
Well, not quite, for that time in the ER was my worstest day, but yesterday was my worstest day on a bike without riding a City and County vehicle.
It was one of those off days for me, the day after dialysis, so I knew it was going to be bad, but not like that bad!
I mean I was a huffing and a puffing and blowing some houses down and my legs were a hurting and a complaining and getting all noodle like.
At the halfway point I had to stop and take like a twenty minute break and drink like a bottle of water and eat a Twix bar.
I still didn't feel any better so I cut my ride short and shuffled on home.
There were times when I felt like getting off and walking would have been better.
No fooling.
The Garmin don't lie.

Okay, it's been really windy and all, but it's been windy before and I never felt so well, helpless before.
I think I forgot my glasses.
The reason this surprised me so, was that I'm now on a different medication schedule.
It was decided that since the amount of Epogen I get is so low, instead of getting my shots three times a week, they would triple the dose and poke me once a week instead.
So I was thinking, not very well I might add, that if the dose is tripled I should feel really really good the next couple of days after.
Apparently not.
Okay maybe for here's today's ride via Garmin:

A full mile and half better average speed.
What does it all mean?
The amount of Epogen I get isn't enough to enhance my performance though it is enough to make sure I don't have days like yesterday all the time.
Which brings me back to Lance.
Taking Epogen is not like taking other PEDs.
I mean this stuff will kill you.
Take to much and you'll be making so many red blood cells that your heart will stop beating.
Which is why I got a problem with what Tyler said on TV the other night.
You don't just go and stab yourself and shoot Epogen up.
You have to test to see just how much raises your hematocrit or hemoglobin levels to the correct peformance enhancing levels, which would be just short of a peaceful death.
What this means is that they would have to have been under a doctor's care.
According to some folks I been talking to, Epogen does not work right away. It takes a week or so for your hemoglobin levels to go up and then it takes more shots to keep it up there.
In other words, weeks of testing to see what it takes to raise performance levels and keep death at the door.
Amgen in fact, recommends a hemoglobin level of no more than 12 before you begin to risk death.
Which is where my level is.
Around 12 or so.
Which is okay for I'm Abby Normal.
Now if you were a normal man folk, with a hemoglobin level of around 14-18, and were to shoot up some Epo, well, let's just say I wouldn't unless I knew what the hell I was doing.
Now I'm not saying Hamilton and Hincapie are lying, I'm just saying that if they are telling the truth about Epogen shots, then perhaps we're not getting the whole story for it's not just that simple.
It's not the kind of drug where you want to make a mistake.
Whatever you do, do NOT try this at home.
If you know what I mean.
In my case, it just doesn't do anything, performance enhancing wise.
Which is not so good for that stuff costs some bucks.
Well actually it is good for it lets me live a slow but normal life.
Bicycle slow I mean.
Still I hope that this triple dose I'm getting every Wednesday will turn me into a hill climber extraordinaire.
At least by Sunday.
I think though that I'll have to do it the hard way.
Which in my case means more pain and suffering.
Unless that Epogen kicks in.
Then maybe I can climb like Lance.
Okay, not really.


Steve A said...

Sounds to me like the bike needs another upgrade!

Anonymous said...

More like I need an upgrade.
Well, I am on the upgrade list, but that's a whole nother post.