EXTRA!

The Flat Tire file photo

KAILUA - Federal agents dismissed charges against a local area bicycle rider for using performance enhancing drugs although quantities of EPOGEN were found in his possession.
A DEA spokesperson said that after reviewing the accused bicycle rider's Garmin files, there was absolutely no evidence that the controlled substance helped the rider in anyway.
An unidentified agent commented: "A total waste of government assets. This guy was so slow, my three year old could have dropped him."