Friday, November 18, 2011

Something to Shoot For

First of all, I've gained some weight this past couple of weeks.
I've not been riding at all and it's starting to show.
Mostly I feel like I'm lugging a couple of water balloons around in my pockets and my shorts have gotten a little tighter.
Not good at all.
Okay, I've only been sitting around on my fat water balloons doing the clay thing but I think my new found fatness is because of this:

That take out fans, is a Mini Chicken Cutlet plate from L&L Drive In.
The local evil food place.
On Mondays and Wednesdays.
Fridays, like today, it's this:

Richie's Drive In version of chicken with gravy.
The thing is, I really dig gravy.
Nice and thick brown gravy smothered over practically anything.
Or maybe just a bowl of gravy all by itself!
Okay, not really.
I'm not that gravy crazy.
Gravy is pretty groovy.
If you know what I mean.
Our military though, has got me thinking of changing my gravy ways.
If you've been following along at home you, the reader, know that I'm like the fastest thing on two freakin wheels around these parts.
I'm so fast I dry out roads when I pass by, so fast rain doesn't fall on me, so fast women and children run for cover when I pass by, so fast I wear out tires every time I ride, so fast the skin on my face melts off when I use the big ring!
Okay, not really.
About the skin melting part.
The army though, apparently is calling me out!
They think they got the fastest thing on the planet.
The thing is, I don't see no wheels:

Now 4,600 mph is pretty darn fast.
Myself, I usually top out at around 3,997 mph; I mean I'm already a blur so there's not much sense in showing off.
Besides the lactic acid really starts to burn at around 3,550 mph.
Now though, they got this thing that goes like Mach 20!
Like 13,000 mph!
That's really really fast!
I'll probably need a standard crank and like an 11-23 in back to get close.
Maybe a skin suit and one of them cone head helmets.
I figure I better start training if I want to be king of the hill around here, you know, show them military boys some real speed.
Some better tires might help too.
So I've decided to change my ravenous gravy smothered chicken eating ways.
Lose some of them water balloons and start burning up the streets.
Mach 21 don't sound that hard and it gives me something to shoot for.
Yup, time to lay off of them chicken cutlets.
Starting tomorrow.


John Romeo Alpha said...

If you want to go that fast you will actually need to eat MORE cutlets with gravy, in order to get the calories you will need to have enough power to overcome air resistance.

limom said...

Well then.
I guess them gravy laden cutlets are a good thing.
After all.