Take Two

Boy, I just spent a half hour writing a post that I decided I didn't like.
Which is sort of a rare thing.
I mean I hardly ever write a post I didn't like.
Oh, I've written some that never see the light of Bloggerland, and I've got a whole bunch stashed over in the drafts thingy, but the majority of posts I write you, the reader, well, read.
Most of my posts are written on the fly, I do very little editing and rewriting.
That post though, boy, I kept going back and forth with it until I just gave up.
Thing is, I don't quite know how to say what I want to say.
Which is another rare thing for if I got something on my mind, I'm pretty quick to let fly.
The small bit of news I wanted to share was that I got faster.
I think.
According to my meticulous records, I may or may not have gained some average speed.
I feel faster, and I guess that's what counts.
Okay, I'm consistently faster, and that's what counts.
That's not really wanted I wanted to say though.
Actually, it should be "that's not what this is all about" but it sort of is.
I mean the increase in speed does have something, just a little bit, to do with what I was trying to say.
Looking back at the old Land Speed Records, I began thinking, no, I decided that I'm not the same bicycle person I was one year ago.
Okay, a lot has to do with the type of bicycle I ride, now it's a road bike, before it was a souped up mountain bike.
It's more than just the type of bicycle though.
It's the way I feel about myself as a bicycle rider.
I was going to say I feel more confidant.
That's not quite it.
I was going to say that it's not really about the kind of bicycle I ride, but it sort of is.
Then I was going to say that it's not about the speed, but after thinking about it, it did make a difference.
See?
I just don't know how to put it into words.
I was trying to explain all the changes I experienced as a bicycle rider in the last year so, but it's difficult to talk about something so subtle.
I know I feel different, I just don't know why.
I tried to make it about the bicycle, but it seems go a bit deeper than that.
I was thinking maybe it's a confidence thing, but there's nothing I do on my road bikes that I didn't do on my mountain bike.
Then I thought maybe it has to do with attitude.
The way I see bicycles and the way I see myself on a bicycle.
Image of course, being everything.
No, image was always everything.
So what's different?
Perhaps it's just my evolution as a bicycle rider.
Something intangible has changed; I'm aware of it but I just can't identify it.
It happened slowly, the changes so minute that I didn't notice or was unaware.
All this because I got a little faster.
It seems to mean much more now, compared to earlier, when I first started.
I mean when I first started, the gains came quickly, in large chunks.
Then I sort of tapered off.
Languished in mediocrity.
Maybe that's it.
That little increase in speed means I'm no longer mediocre, even though I still am.
Or maybe it's that I found that I no longer really care about the speed, even though I still care about the speed.
If you know what I mean.
You mean you don't?
Know what I mean, I mean.
That's okay, cause neither do I.
All I know is that I was sitting here, thinking about it, and I realized that I'm no longer the same bicycle person.
In the great bicycle movie of life, maybe it is what it is:
Take two.