Tuesday, August 23, 2011

You Win

Not you.
Not even me.
Someone though, wins.
This is sort of a State of the Blog(SOTB) report, but it's kinda early for I don't usually do a State of the Blog thing until the after the new year.
First of all the blog is doing well.
I have invested all profits into newfangled things to make the blog more interesting so that you, the reader, are kept up to date in the latest and greatest everything.
Sort of.
We've also increased the staff here to one and half, up from one, so that we can much better cover breaking news and industry developments.
News will now come to you one and half times faster than before.
We've also increased our coverage, though we haven't been able to make any gains in the North and Mid Western states.
I don't think they got interwebz access there, so I guess it doesn't really count.
We are also looking into budgeting for a new photography machine, though the budget is tight, a new photography machine will enable us to continue to bring to you, the reader, high resolution images such as this:



That, is no longer there, but it has been captured forever on the pages of this blog.
Whatever it is.
Something.
I think.
What I really wanted to talk about, or write about, depending on where you are, is what happened the other day.
A couple of days ago, The Flat Tire hit a milestone of sorts.
Now usually, we get about 25 hits a day.
Of those twenty five hits, maybe 40 page views.
Most of these page views come from folks apparently looking for images of Jill Hennessy, Alex O'Loughlin, or flaming giraffes.
No really.
I'll take this time to note that I prefer Scott Caan as Danno, flaming giraffes are sort of odd, and Jill Hennessy has a twin sister.
Now that's something to ponder.
That Jill Hennessy has a twin sister I mean.
Then there are you folks, my regular readers, all eleven of you, who pop in, read the post of the day, and pop back out.
Let me just say right now how much I appreciate you all taking time out of your busy day to come and visit and read what I well, wrote.
I'll be the first to admit that what I write is not always entertaining, or even worth reading, but you come anyways, and sometimes leave me nice comments.
Did I say how much I appreciate this?
Well, maybe not anymore.
Someone, it wasn't any of you regulars, torched this blog for 90 freakin page views.
90.
Freakin.
Page.
Views.
All in one visit.
Thank you Googlio Analylitico.
Yes, Flat Tire Brother is watching.
Anyways, that was a superhuman endeavour.
Hell, I can't stand to read more than three or four pages myself and I wrote this stuff!
I mean I haven't gone back to read anything lately, but I bet after oh, ten or so pages this starts to get a bit repetitive.
I try not to make it repetitive, but since I crank this blog out by the day, it gets sort of difficult to not talk about the same stuff over and over.
And over.
That, my friends, is one of the rare times you'll ever see me start a line with the word and.
Just thought I'd toss in something new.
Since someone out there took the time to sit down and read 90 freakin pages, I sort of owe that person something different.
Not that I don't owe you regular folks something too.
I do.
But you'll get yours later.
That's a rare instance too, because I never start a line with the word but.
Make a note, cause this ain't ever happening again.
Notice how I had to actually work that one in.
Boy, I'm good.
Anyways, this person with the 90 freakin page views has set a new standard for the Flat Tire reader.
In the time it took you, the new reader, to go through 90 freakin Flat Tire pages, I rode like twenty five miles on my bicycle!
I also had time to stop for a cream soda.
Cream soda just hits the spot don't you know.
Previous to this, the high page count was like maybe six pages in one visit.
I thought that was great.
Now, six pages is like bantha fodder!
If you come here and read six or ten pages, you aren't trying hard enough!
Get your favorite cold beverage and get ready for a Flat Tire Marathon(FTM) cause if you want to impress, man it's going to take like 100 page views now!
I still can't believe it.
Folks, the bar is set.
You, the regular readers, all eleven of you, have been bested by a newbie.
Shame.
I still love you though.
Sort of.
Maybe.
You, the person who came here and read 90 freakin pages in one visit, you win.
What do you win?
Drop me a line and you'll find out.
Actually you deserve a plaque or maybe The Flat Tire Congressional Medal of Honor(FTCMOH).
Or a room in the Rubber Room Hotel.
Or something.
At least a t-shirt.
Send me an email at the address on the right, identify yourself and city from which you hail, and I'll put something in a Flat Tire Rate box and send it your way.
You deserve it.
Actually you deserve more but it is all I got.
I'll think of something to commemorate this historic event.
Of course if you wish to remain Annie Nonamous, that is up to you.
90 freakin Flat Tire page views is not something I'd want other folks talking about.
If you know what I mean.

7 comments:

Big Oak said...

Maybe it was Jill Hennessy, looking for photos of herself? Or perhaps her lawyer? Is your new 1/2 staff the legal division?

Steve A said...

I think a lawyer doing 90 page views on my blog would make me nervous.

PaddyAnne said...

I LOVE Cream Soda!

John Romeo Alpha said...

Fake traffic and page referrals are a bain to bloggers! I see them in my stats, and have NEVER clicked on one of the fake traffic domains.

limom said...

Big Oak, I need a legal department, but it is NFIB.
The extra half person is in graphic design.

Steve A., you make me nervous.
I mean it's not like I'm stalking her or anything.
Not really.

PaddyAnne, yes!

JRA, I don't think this was a bot, came from a legit US city.
Besides a bot would probably blow up after 90 pages of this.
This blog I mean.

johnnytrashbike said...

it took me 90 mins to read this post. does that count for anything?

limom said...

One free lesson to a speed reading course?