The State of the Flat Tire Address

Check!
Check!
Is this thing on?
Check!
Ahem.
My fellow Flats, the time has come to discuss the present and the future.
In the present, everything seems okay.
Sort of.
Maybe.
Since our incorporation and the forming of the Republic, way back in 1972, The Flat Tire has grown epically, empirically, and estatically.
Our number one goal has been to inform and entertain.
Not anymore!
We here at The Flat Tire will not sleep until he have achieved complete global domination!

(insert applause)

We shall take the world house by house, street by street, municipality by municiplality, hamlet by hamlet, village by village, City to City(Gerry Rafferty album), state by state, country by country, continent by continent, well, you get my drift.
We will march on, spreading and assimilating, converting, by forced labor if necessary, the word and the will of Flat Tireness!

(insert wild cheering)

Now my friends, the time has come to talk about the economy.
We need you, the reader, to do your part!
To stimulate!
To revive!
To jump start!
The economy I mean.

(insert murmurs)

You need to get out today, and buy something!
Anything!
Some potato chips!
A burrito!
A new bicycle frame!

(insert jeers)

Uh, okay.
Let's not talk about the economy!

(insert applause)

Let's talk about uh, World Domination!
Yes, World Domination!

(insert wild applause)

Soon, and I mean soon, like very soon, the rest of the world will bow at your feet!
A virtual kow tow!
Ground kissing and all that!
The Republic of The Flat Tire will soon become synonomous with Power, Corruption, and Lies(New Order album)!

(insert wild cheering)

I mean Power, Consumption, and High Fives!

(insert crowd control)

Power!
Consumption!
High fives!

(insert crowd chanting)

Power!
Consumption!
High fives!

Okay, where's the buffet?