TUP

That's my new handle.
Call me Tup!
Hey Tup!
Mr. Flat "Tup" Tire.
Yep, that's me.
The Ultimate Poseur.
I was up last night, thinking about my next bicycling related acquisition, and it dawned on me.
Like a revelation, a thunderbolt from the heavens it struck me down.
Okay, not really.
I was already lying down on the couch.
It did bruise and singe my already fragile ego though.
The thunderbolt I mean.
Anyways, I realized that I don't really deserve the bicycle frame that I am contemplating purchasing.
WTF am I thinking?
What makes me think I even remotely qualify to own such a bicycle?
The designers of this bicycle frame did not have me in mind!
Hell, I don't even deserve the bicycles I got now!
I mean they don't really represent the cyclist I am.
For one thing, I'm a pretty lazy dude.
If they made a lazy bicycle I'd be all over it.
Okay, I guess they make recumbents, but I'm not ready to be reclining and riding around just yet.
Electric bicycles sound kinda cool, but that's just shattering the image.
You know what's coming next, say it with me: image is everything.
Which is what my bicycles are to me, an image.
An image I've created, a fantasy if you will, conjured up by an over active imagination and sleepless nights.
I should stop watching le Tour.
All them fancy smancy bicycles and team kits flying around the French country side, that my friends is image!
Realistically, I should be on some cruiser bike with the foamy things on the handlebars, riding around the beach with a cooler in tow.
No spandex, no clipless pedals, just some shorts, a tee shirt and some slippers.
That's flip flops to you folks on the Continent.
Instead I dress up in uncomplimentary form fitted clothing and ride around in a peloton of one pretending I'm going somewhere fast.
The.
Ultimate.
Poseur.
At least I can admit it.
I mean once I realized it, I sort of came to terms with it.
All the world's a stage(race) non?
The thing is, in my convoluted mind, The Ultimate Poseur deserves The Ultimate Poseur Bicycle!
Something crazy expensive and unique, a mobile billboard proclaiming my Ultimate Poseurness.
Unfortunately I'm not crazy rich so I'll have to settle for Middle Class Poseur with Ultimate Poseur aspirations.
Look! There goes Tup!
What a poseur.
Yeah, but check out his bike!
Me and Reality.
We're not real close.