Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Elevated Status

It was attaining legendary status it was.
Almost mythical.
Talked about in hushed tones around the campfire and after battles won.
I had never seen it.
Only imagined it, in my dreams, what it would be like to finally grasp it, hold it in my hands and use its powers.
My brother, he knew of it.
With that thousand yard stare, he would describe it to me, how wonderful it was, how I would feel when and if I ever got it.
My brother, brave soul, had to traverse valleys and deserts and oceans, he had to battle ogres, trolls and dragons to deliver it to my hands.
Sort of.
Actually, I had to go and pick it up:

I need a bicycle work stand says I.
No! cries my brother, I have such a stand and will deliver it to you. First, I must traverse valleys and deserts and oceans. I must fight off ogres, trolls and dragons.
After and only after I have done this, will I deliver this stand of bicycles to you.
Okay, says I, I shall be waiting.
Wait I did, for 36 moons I waited.
I dared not ask or remind my brother about the stand of the bicycle lest he think me unappreciative, but three bicycle builds had come and gone, builds where such a stand would have been of great help.
My brother, says I, I love you, but I must mention again-
Do not say it! says he, I know of what you will speak. Soon you will have it. First I must swim the Dreaded Currents of Waikiki, then I must battle the Carbon Monoxide Beasts of the Concrete Path, then if I succeed, I must run the Gauntlet of the 40k.
Then and only then, shall you have it!
So patiently I waited.
I began to covet it.
I began to think that perhaps I could run the Gauntlet of the 40k so that I should go and retrieve it.
Thankfully, run not did I.
Now it is here!
All the fires in the village were burning tall and bright as it was unveiled for everyone to see!
The crowd was silenced as I opened it up to release its power.

All eyes were focused upon me as I worked the mechanical hand open. A gasp arose for nothing like this had ever been seen!
The crowd roared!
A sacrifice! they demanded.
A sacrifice they shall have.
All were hushed as within the mechanical hand I placed an offering to the bicycling gods.
Oh Holy Mother of the Celeste Oracle, I offer to you this gift! A gift so that you may look upon us your children, with kindness and smooth road.
Men cowered and women fainted as the mechanical hand took hold of the offering:

Those who dared look, dropped to their knees in awe.
I raised my arms to the heavens.
I have the power now.
No longer shall adjustments be made whilst sitting upon the hardness of the Earth.
I am the holder of the Stand of the Bicycle.
All shall kneel before me and be wary of the power at my command!
Okay, not really.
About the kneeling part.


johnnytrashbike said...

careful the fat hobbitses may try to take your pprreccciouss!! yes they wants it

limom said...

On a chain I shall attach it, and wear it around my uh, neck.

John Romeo Alpha said...

limom: taking a stand!

Andrew Cooper said...

You are having way too much fun writing this stuff. But it is fun to read as well;)

limom said...

I think I been watching too much Conan the Barbarian.