EXTRA!

The Flat Tire Staff

Kaneohe - Federal and State officials today expressed worry and puzzlement over the appearance of what the Army Corps of Engineers called a giant dust bunny.
The dust bunny appeared on the mountain top this morning to the ire of Kaneohe residents.
A Department of Land and Natural Resources official denied allegations that the dust bunny is due to lack of maintenance. "We take pride in policing the land, keeping it free of litter and unwanted junk," he said, "but to be honest, no one has ever been up there to clean the top of the mountain."
Federal officials expressed concern that the dust bunny would tarnish the image of the state and hurt tourism. "This doesn't look good at all," said one official who did not wish to be named. "It's not good for the state and it's not good for America."
The Army Corps of Engineers said the most efficient way to dispose of the dust bunny would be with high explosive charges. "We'll just blow that dust bunny right off the top of the mountain."
A state official disagreed. "Of course they'll have to provide an Environmental Impact Statement first(speaking on the Army's plan), I think it's better we just use a really big vacuum cleaner."