Le Tour

Yes, it's that time of the year.
The greatest bicycle race evar is on!
Wait.
Can you use bicycle race and great in the same sentence?
It's like watching two fighters dance around each other for eleven rounds, then right before the bell rings to end the twelfth, one dude knocks the other out.
Is that a great fight?
I gotta be honest here, as much of a fan of cycling I am, watching bicycle racing is like watching cactus grow.
Saguaro cactus.
I mean visually, it's a stunning sight.
The peloton ebbs and flows like some multicolored liquid following and conforming to the ever changing terrain.
The bicycle bling is pretty nice too.
The thing is, I don't know half of those dudes, not like someone would know the folks on a football team or basketball team.
Oh, the stars, the real dudes you are supposed to be watching, they're there.
Hiding.
In what other sport do the main stars hide all race long?
I mean they're in that mass of bodies somewhere, I wouldn't know if not for that pointer thingy that comes on the television to show that so and so is right there, back there in like thirtieth place.
I actually like the views of the French country side more than actually watching them ramble on down the road.
I mean you gotta admit, France is a purty place.
I'm sure some of the riders would agree, if they weren't buried like fifteen deep as they rolled on by.
Come to think about it, I'd probably go insane if I had to knock elbows in the middle of two hundred sweaty dudes for a hundred or so miles.
I guess that's why they get paid.
Still I watch.
It amazes me for there are some teams and riders there that have no chance in hell of making the podium.
I can imagine some domestique riding in there, calculating how much money he's making per mile or what he's going to have for dinner that night, or wondering how Jabba the Hut walked around when he got no legs.
What are those things on Chewbacca's belt?
On the other hand, I'll bet there's never a dull moment in the peloton, what with bicycles here, there, and everywhere, crashes to the left and to the right, and about a hundred and fifty dudes half wheeling you.
I do like the ending part though.
I mean the whole race is sort of a warm up for the end.
Yada, yada, bicycle, yada, yada, peloton, yada, yada, crash, yada, yada, AND HERE'S THE SPRINT FOR THE FINISH!
Huh?
What?!
Didja see that Vera? Didja see that dude come flying up from behind to take that stage?!
Oh, I'm sorry Ed, I was searching my iphone for meatloaf recipes.
Okay, okay, I exaggerate.
Bicycle racing is not the most boring thing to watch.
I grow cactus remember?
I watch mostly the finishes, but I can appreciate what those guys are going through.
I understand that these are professionals, and they are doing what I can never even dream of doing, and that the level of performance I see is something that I will never come close to, not in this lifetime.
I mean it's a bit different when you know what it's like to burn those matches, push yourself up to the top of that climb, or try to bridge up to that rider way out in front.
Amazing is the word that comes to mind when I see the ease at which they do it.
Inconceivable!
Okay, that word too.
Watching that HTC train at the end of stage seven was like watching perfection, like some kind of training video: See boys! THIS is how it's done!
It's all there, the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.
I can hear Jim McKay now.
The greatest bicycle race in the world?
Maybe.
Probably.